Dr. Mahmoud Shalaby, Secretary of Fatwa at Egypt’s Dar Al-Ifta, addressed a question from a woman who had sworn to her children that she would not tell their father about a particular matter, but later told him and wanted to know the Islamic ruling.
He explained that the situation involves two important aspects: the oath itself and breaking it, as well as the nature of the agreement between the mother and her children.
What Is the Ruling on Breaking an Oath and Telling the Father?
Dr. Mahmoud Shalaby explained that when a person takes an oath and later sees that another course of action is better, they should do what is better and offer the prescribed expiation for the oath.
He cited the saying of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ:
“Whoever swears an oath and then sees something better than it should do what is better and offer expiation for the oath.”
Therefore, if the mother determines that informing the father is the better and more beneficial course of action, she may go back on the oath while observing its required expiation.
What Is the Expiation for Breaking an Oath?
The expiation for a broken oath is to feed ten needy people from the type of food normally given to one’s household.
If a person is unable to do so, the expiation is fasting for three days.
The expiation applies when an actual oath has been made and subsequently broken.
Is It Permissible for a Mother to Agree With Her Children Not to Tell Their Father?
Dr. Mahmoud Shalaby explained that an agreement between a mother and her children not to tell their father about something may be permissible when the matter concerns ordinary daily issues that do not require the father’s involvement.
In such situations, keeping the agreement is preferable because Islam encourages fulfilling commitments.
Allah says:
“And fulfill the covenant of Allah when you have pledged.”
When May a Mother Go Back on an Agreement With Her Children?
If the matter is serious, involves a significant problem, or is something the mother cannot handle on her own, and the father’s intervention is necessary, she may go back on the agreement and inform him.
In this situation, the decision to disclose the matter is based on choosing what is better and more beneficial for the family.
Is Breaking an Agreement With Children Considered a Sin?
If there is a legitimate interest in telling the father, particularly when his involvement is necessary or withholding the information could cause harm, breaking the agreement is not considered sinful merely because the original agreement was not maintained.
However, when the matter is minor and there is no need for the father to become involved, keeping the agreement is preferable.
What Is the Main Consideration in This Situation?
The main consideration is achieving benefit and preventing harm, while also taking into account the ruling related to the oath itself.
Islamic rulings are not intended to encourage people to follow agreements mechanically when doing so would result in greater harm. Rather, the consequences and the overall interest of the family should be considered.
Does the Ruling Differ if It Was Only a Promise?
Yes. There is an important distinction between an oath sworn by Allah and an ordinary promise or agreement.
If the mother actually swore by Allah that she would not tell the father and later told him, she has broken her oath and must offer its expiation.
If it was merely a promise or agreement without swearing by Allah, the specific expiation for an oath is not required simply because the promise was not kept.
The Bottom Line
If a mother swore by Allah not to tell the father about something and later determined that telling him would be better and more beneficial for the family, she may break the oath, but she must offer the expiation for the oath.
If there was only an agreement with the children without an oath, keeping the agreement is generally preferable. However, if a genuine need or legitimate benefit requires the father’s involvement, she may inform him.
What is the ruling on breaking an oath and telling the father?
If telling the father is considered better and more beneficial, the person may break the oath but must offer its prescribed expiation.
What is the expiation for breaking an oath?
The expiation is feeding ten needy people. If the person cannot do so, they fast for three days.
Can a mother break an agreement with her children?
She may do so when there is a legitimate need or benefit requiring the father to be informed, especially in serious matters.
Is an ordinary promise subject to oath expiation?
No. If it was only a promise or agreement and did not involve an oath by Allah, the specific expiation for an oath is not required.
When is it better to tell the father?
It may be better when the matter is serious, withholding it could cause harm, or the father's involvement is necessary to resolve the issue.
